Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death Review

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Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death ReviewI have scanned the market of books about caretakers and the dying process, and to me this is the finest book available on the subject.
It is cut-to-the-bone view of dying with many personal case stories.
The book is in my view not so well-structured. It is divided in sections, but these overlap, and it seems more like a long association about dying, care-taking and the death process. Sometimes the subject in focus is elaborated and sometimes there is a lot of condensed knowledge in a few sentences.
But it doesn't matter.
You are taken on a journey by this book. It contains so much knowledge (years of experience in the field), so much good advice for living more fully, and so many obvious ways to handle the dying process.
The book describes subjects only rarely found in other similar books - how to take care of the body after death (which can be tremendous healing for grievers I must say from personal experience) and the shadow side of caregiving.
I especially like the description of the dissolution of the elements just before death - indeed what it feels like physically to die - experienced from the inside!
It contains many touching stories, and simple, yet profound sentences of great wisdom - summations of experience from Joan's many hours and years on the bedside of dying fellow human beings.
I only read about 20-30 pages a day to have time to think about and absorb the knowledge in the book.
It is stressed again and again that there are no single good way to die. What the dying person experiences can be so very different from what family, friends, and caretakers experience from the outside.
Each chapter is followed by meditations, which can be used on your own or together with a dying person (well, aren't we all!)
And after completing the book - in the end you end up wishing Joan or somebody trained by her could be there for your own death. And that's kind of a compliment... ;-)Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death Overview

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Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying Review

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Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying Review....read this book!
Over the past few years, when faced with the information that someone I'd known was dying, I did - nothing. Retreating, I was terrified of my own mortality and of what I might do if I were around someone who was dying. Would I say the wrong thing or nothing at all? Would I cry, or do something to inadvertently hurt them? What is dying like? This book is great as a comforting instruction manual on what happens, what to do, and what not to do.
It begins with information about what happens to the body when it is in the process of dying, then moves into experiences the authors have had in dealing with people who are dying, or whose loved ones are dying. They have helpful information throughout the book for those, like me, who were unsure about what to say or do.
They include individual stories about messages people send when they are approaching death and how not to miss them; seeing people who have already died and what that may mean; symbolic dreams and how to let the dreamer find the meaning; choosing a time to die (not by suicide); waiting for a person to arrive or an event to happen.
Family and friends often ignore this precious information. It seems illogical, far out, too much like stories about abduction by aliens. We brush them off as hallucinations, caused by denial or possibly drug-induced.
When I first heard volunteers, nurses and others who work in hospice tell stories of people who have similar Nearing Death Experiences (not to be confused with "Near Death Experiences"), I was dubious. However, in my readings and hospice volunteer work, I find that these stories are universal, timeless and not as new age-y as I'd thought. We've been ignoring these wonderfully soothing stories of how people die, because for years we've moved birthing and dying out of the family and into hospitals. We are beginning to move them back.
If you've lost a loved one, are dealing with someone who is dying (yourself or someone else), if you avoid visiting friends who are dying or if you're struggling with your own awareness that someday you will die, please read this book. It will put your mind at ease.Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying Overview

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